when you have to,

you do things you never imagined you could do.

for example, today i gave myself a shot. it was just some saline solution and it was just for practice, but i stuck a real live needle in my belly and pushed the plunger.

ok, it wasn't quite like that. i started to, about ten times. then i kinda freaked out about it. i almost cried because my gosh what does a girl have to do to get pregnant?! stinking shots. that's what. i prayed, "God, You have given me this so give me strength to get through this and do this." and i shook like crazy. i was frustrated with the whole situation.

finally the nurse saw my hands shaking terribly and asked if i wanted her to do one so i could see it didn't hurt, and then i could do one myself. i agreed.

she was right. it didn't hurt at all. i barely felt it.

so i wiped off my skin, pinched it up, and thought about it. and tried. and went to do it again. but i didn't.

then finally, i DID. but i didn't put enough behind it to get it all the way in, so it just went "poke" really little into my skin. i had to push it in, and it was clumsy and slow, and it STILL didn't hurt.

and so, i did another thing i never thought i would be able to do.