because my stomach kills me after i eat, but i had to eat breakfast because i had to take 100mg of clomid this morning. i'm sitting here waiting on it to go away, trying to relax myself by typing this. i'm going to try to go to small group, anyway, where i can slightly recline on a couch and where everyone knows i'm in pain so i'll be forgiven if i writhe like a demoniac.
i wanted to write a verse about a demoniac to go with this, so i looked in my concordance for one. yeah, i cheat on "Bible blog" posts - the verse doesn't always come first. the idea usually does, and i know there's something i can use for it in the Bible.
so i checked out the demoniac section (that sounds like a very scary library catalog), and i came to this:
"The news about Him spread throughout all Syria; and they brought to Him all who were ill, those suffering with various diseases and pains, demoniacs, epileptics, paralytics, and He healed them." -Matthew 4:24
Him, of course, is Jesus, just in case we need a little context. (you just never know who may come across the blog.)
no, i'm not a demoniac. clomid makes me kind of feel like one and sometimes act like one, but i'm really not. i do, however, have various diseases and pains. what the doctors tell me seems so final that i forget that my Savior is One who can heal anything. He can overcome anything, even the mystery weirdnesses of my inner workings.
i think sometimes we distance ourselves from that reality because we can't physically walk around following Jesus as He goes from place to place in the middle east. we don't always see the miracles. the diseases don't always go away, and the barren woman (sounds very old testamenty) doesn't always get her baby. it's not that we are distanced from the miracles and that we are not as special now. i think the bad stuff happened a lot and just didn't make the cut for the Bible. (not to say there's no bad stuff in there - there's plenty. i mean that for every story about someone getting raised from the dead, how many people didn't get raised from the dead? that kind of thing.)
there are people who even think God doesn't "do" miracles anymore. true story. i don't believe that. i just think a lot of times He uses different methods, and a lot of times we are too jaded to recognize miracles.
a miracle is that i exist. my dad wasn't supposed to live past the age of 3 and had open heart surgery when he was 6. my mom had a man try to kidnap her when she was young. she knew what was going on and promised to meet him somewhere after supper. he left her alone and she made it home and broke that promise on purpose.
a miracle is that my brother hasn't killed himself by accident. once he fell very far out of a tree stand and landed on his back on the ground with a broken, jagged tree capable of running someone through on one side and a barbed wire fence on the other.
miracles are several of my very young cousins, who have showed my family joy in times of great, great sorrow. God's timing for them was impeccable.
a miracle is a cute little baby i know with chubby cheeks that wasn't supposed to be able to happen and because of God and medical technology, she did happen.
a miracle is that my job survived the cuts and that it somehow is one of the only jobs around that provides infertility insurance - which i had no idea i would ever need when i got the job.
a miracle is being placed in a church situation where at any given point i might be approached with a new encouraging story about someone for whom God has "fixed" infertility in any number of ways, from adoption to in vitro to "holy crap how did that even happen?"
please be praying with us as we go to the doctor this week to find out about the condition of my uterus. bad news could change our lives, and good news means that we go on as planned.
please be praying with us for the miracles of pregnancy and children.
(this list is so incomplete compared to what God is actually doing, so if you feel you want to share your miracle, you can leave a blog comment or a facebook comment.)
Thanks for the reminder of all the miracles happening RIGHT NOW! This really touched me. I want to share with you that I know at least 4 couples who were told they would never have a biological child, all of whom then did (well, 1 is currently expecting this fall via in vitro). The other 3 couples had stopped trying (2 adopted children), then discovered there was a bundle of joy on the way. My parents (Dad & Eva) were one of these couples - obviously the ones who didn't adopt. :) I can only imagine how tough it must be to "Let go & let God," but it seems that is the way for those whose prayers are answered with a "yes." Keep hope alive, and remember that you will be a wonderful mom to whatever child or children come your way. We'll continue sending prayers & thoughts your way.
ReplyDeleteLoved this post. Thanks for sharing your heart!
ReplyDeleteYour list of miracles is perfect. It's so easy for me to wake up in the morning and remember the prayers that haven't yet been answered. But that gets smaller if I can just meditate on what He's already done.
ReplyDeleteWhen I think about it, my miracle IS my unfullfilled prayer. Everytime I've seen an opportunity to pursue my heart's desires, He's somehow kept me from getting far. So while "hope deferred makes the heart sick", I see it's a miracle that my prayers haven't been answered yet. Obviously if I had plunged full speed ahead, it would ruin the good things that are coming. :)
Waiting and praying with you, my demoniac blog friend. :)