Saturday, January 29, 2011

something very good, indeed.

the other day, i was talking with an acquaintance who congratulated me on my pregnancy. she asked when i was due, and i told her july 18. she said, "oh you planned that really well!" and i replied, "yes, i have a nice long maternity leave!"

it wasn't until later that i was telling justin about the conversation that i realized what had, or rather hadn't, happened in my brain.

nothing cringed inside of me when she said "planned." anyone who has dealt with infertility knows how easy it can be to have a mental knee-jerk response, or even feel hurt when people say certain things. i'm not saying it's right, but it certainly is difficult to combat when you are in such an unnatural and difficult place in life.

but she didn't know i wasn't "normal," and by golly, it was like i forgot i wasn't. and i didn't even know it had happened until hours after the conversation - it was like a nice little light came on: look at the peace God has given.

i'm just happy i got to feel that way, and i hope it continues and God continues to help my heart in that spot.

16 weeks

i will be 16 weeks tomorrow, and i haven't updated on the pregnancy in a while, so i figured now would be a good time.

i have an appointment this week for a checkup, to hear the heartbeat, etc. then in two weeks and three days, we find out if baby is a boy or a girl.

we have chosen our names: samuel nicholas or claire kristine.
nicholas is after nick anderson, justin's friend who died in afghanistan. kristine is after my aunt krissy, who died after a battle with breast cancer. the first names aren't particularly "after" anyone, though samuel's biblical significance with infertility was part of making our choice (i will not be giving him away to live somewhere else, though, lol). claire was one of many girl names we debated but finally chose because it was one we both really liked. nope, not in the bible. just cute. :)

my baby bump is getting more and more pronounced these days. i have felt tiny movements since i was 14 weeks, which is supposed to be impossible, but it's also supposed to be impossible for me to be 16 weeks pregnant so i try not to go by that too much. there, i believe, is one now.

it is now 4-5 inches long not including its legs, which i'm sure don't help it out much because we all know that a child of mine and justin's will be lucky to make it to 5'6". :)

(and sometimes i do refer to baby as it, because i don't know if it's a sam or a claire and i'm not calling it one or the other and feeling like a bad mom if i guess wrong. a combination of the names would be something like 'clam,' and i'm not calling it that either, so sometimes, i call my baby 'it.' some people don't like that, but hey, at least i acknowledge that it is a person.)

also, hello hips and thighs! jeans that fit just a week or two ago are uncomfortably snug above the knee. thankfully i invested in some maternity clothes, some larger jeans, and a belly band from target. i have also been using a hair tie when i need the extra inch or two to hook the button together.

for any of you who are considering buying maternity clothes from old navy - they are great if you can get them to fit, but the fit varies so much between sizes. i got a 4 (old navy is kind - i do not wear a 4 anywhere else) in some corduroys that was perfect, and a 4 in some khakis that will probably still be loose when i go to deliver. those are getting returned. i have learned that full price maternity pants are around $30-$35, and if you can get them for $10 (like the cords i got), buy them!

and just today i almost peed my pants on accident. well duh, i wouldn't do it on purpose, but still, you hear about sneeze-peeing (snissing...) and cough-peeing, but you think, "will this happen to me?" yes, it will, if you aren't careful.

and i am not superstitious (maybe a little stitious...), but just please trust me and never, ever think, "i don't have that symptom." give it time. i was not peeing every hour during my first trimester like all of the websites said i would, but i am lucky if i'm not out of bed three times in a night feeling like my bladder is going to pop now that i'm in the second trimester.

last night we were trying out our baby monitor (thanks, greggs!!!), and justin took the baby one and went down the hall. of course, he didn't say, "can you hear me?" he said, "wahhhh, wahhhh, wahhhhhhhhh!" never a dull moment.

i'm going to end this one. i have to pee. ;)

Sunday, January 16, 2011

a photo from september

i took this on a very stormy day on our way to st. louis for an appointment.

we were going to see a reproductive endocrinologist to talk to her about a decision we made that meant things were probably not going to work out for us in october when we would start the process.

we didn't think it would work. our doctor did not think it would work. statistics screamed that it would not...

but today there are two beating hearts inside me - my own, and our precious baby's.

"elizabeth...has also conceived...who was called barren. for nothing will be impossible with God." -luke 1:36-37

we are in awe of how God dealt with our supposed impossibilities, and so very grateful He chose to answer our many prayers in this way.

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

the darndest things.

several of the kids at school know i am pregnant now, and it brings on all kinds of comments and questions (on top of the incredibly weird things i hear on a daily basis not related to pregnancy).

this is how i told them at the end of the day one day:
"do you have a daughter?"
"i don't know yet." (belly pat.)
"you are PREGNANT?! when are you DUE?!"

the next morning:
"mrs. emery?"
"what is it? did you hear a rumor?" (i knew what she was trying to ask...)
"yeah...that you are pregnant."
"i am." then they all got really excited.

"maybe you two can have your babies on the same day!" -about another teacher and i who are due TWO months apart! hahaha.

"how many months are you?"
"you DO realize this is the first you have told us?!"

"i knew it. i thought you were gaining some kind of weight."

"do you have weird cravings? like pickles and ice cream?"

"what will you name it if it is a girl?"
"we don't know yet."
"how about if it is a boy?"
"my brother's chinese friend's name is samuel."

"you know that you can tell if it is a girl or a boy by the way your stomach looks."

"why are all the teachers pregnant?" there are only two of us in the whole building who are pregnant.

"why are you eating lemon heads?"
"because it helps me not be so nauseous."
"i will have to remember that." hahaha.

i am sure there will be many more between now and the end of the year.

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

12 week appointment

well i found out today that the baby moves around a whole lot more than i could have imagined. woosh, woosh, WOOOOOOSH, just wiggling around! the week of valentine's day we find out if we are having a boy or a girl - i am so excited.

we have yet to pick out a girl name, but our boy name is samuel nicholas. for a girl we have considered isabelle and anneliese for first names, with kristine as a middle name. we just can't settle on one. i know we both like anneliese but we don't know how we will shorten it for a nickname (because i'm a shortener...samuel will be sam, of course). i'm not sure if that is how we will spell it either. that's our name progress so far. :)

justin has been sick all day and was sick all night last night. i didn't sleep more than 30 - 45 minutes at a time with him being sick that frequently, even after he moved to the couch. i called in sick today and rested - i slept for an hour and a half after i got up this morning, and i needed it badly, though i am still very tired and battling a headache that i hear is just another pregnancy thing.

as far as justin, i don't think i've ever known someone to puke this much. it is ridiculous. he looked like walking death this morning when i got up. he was totally pale and his eyes were dark and sunken. he hasn't been able to keep anything down except a very small amount of liquids. i am worried he will dehydrate.

on that note, pedialite must be made from gold, because that stuff is expensive. he has tried flat sprite, fizzy sprite, watered down gatorade, and pedialite, and nothing is settling in his stomach. he has eaten a few bites of jello today but that didn't stay put either. everyone else that i know who has had it recently only had it last for a day, so i am hoping he gets some relief soon.

so that is our eventful day.

Sunday, January 2, 2011

this is the second blog i've started today

but i don't really know how to say what i want to say, or how to express how i am feeling. and some things i can't really say, either...probably to the point that i don't have much of a blog to write at all.

what i can write about is pretty much already available in facebook statuses. i have been feeling tired, nauseous, and this week i had a short-lived stomach bug. i haven't slept well for the entire break, which is a bummer because i wanted to rest and catch up before going back to work. sometimes it is pregnancy-related, other times it is circumstance, other times i'm just wide awake for no reason.

i have been feeling rounder as time goes on. what to expect says that i should be able to feel my uterus sticking out just a bit in my lower abdomen, and i'm pretty sure i can, and i'm pretty sure it is getting bigger. i am twelve weeks today, so i'll be in my second trimester in a week (by some counts i am already in my second trimester). i hope it brings a break from nausea and that the headaches that are becoming more frequent don't intensify.

i have the thought i think many women in early pregnancy have - is there REALLY a baby in there??? at this stage i can't feel the baby move, and i won't be able to for several more weeks. it has been over a month since my last ultrasound, and it just seems like it can't be real still. i am very ready for our monthly appointment this week to make sure that baby and i are both doing well.

otherwise there are a few rough patches that i am wandering through right now, and i would really appreciate prayer in that, as well as prayer for baby and for a good appointment this week.