my grandma had a lilac bush in her yard when i was growing up. well, the lilac bush was older than me, and probably older than my dad. i believe the lilac bush began life being owned by my great grandma. it moved i suppose when they did, out to the farm, just near the well, close to the house.
after we bought our house, justin and i would go on walks or go running. down the street from us, someone has a lilac bush. walking by, the smell of it sent me right back to playing at my grandparents' house as i grew up - sitting in the living room talking, eating powdered donuts and drinking capri suns, stomping around in boots during the flood when the carp swam in the front yard, exploring the white shed looking at all of the "stuff" (including the grill that is currently on our patio and is older than i am), walking through the dirt-floored red barn with tools and that old green car, just wandering around aimlessly.
i didn't realize it until then, but the smell of the lilac bush had a strong tie to my childhood in the country. justin said, "oh, that smells good." smiling, i said, "it's lilac. it smells like my grandparents' house."
the lilac bush died last october during the fire - it was too close to the house to survive.
this year i had no idea what to get for mom for mothers' day. i thought of several things that i decided against for one reason or another. finally and typically, we were browsing through rows and rows of plants - roses, rhododendrons, hibiscus, petunias. no, no, no, no.
then i saw the small section of plants, pinkish and purplish flowers in bunches, and the familiar smell - lilac.
we smelled that smell the whole way home from the store, and today i gave mom her lilac bush. i told her i remembered the smell from my grandma's house, and now sam would be able to do the same.
Sunday, May 8, 2011
mothers' day.
it's mothers' day. it's weird, because it is a GOOD day. last year at this time, i was nearly convinced i would never be able to have a baby. i was losing sleep, charting temperatures, and taking clomid (which didn't work and made me crazy). i was a nervous wreck. i was sad...devastated, every month. every single month. i remember one line after one line after one line.
after a lot of struggle, a lot of sin and battling sin, a lot of anguish, many trials, more prayers than i can count, more injections and pills and doctors appointments than i care to remember, it was october, and we had one baby - one teeny tiny little baby, living and thriving and growing in a petri dish miles away from where we were. yes, it's very weird.
and then november came. i took the tests to make sure i wouldn't get a false positive - one line, which i actually wanted to see. then that sunday morning was the faintest, tiniest, hardest-to-see second line. the baby made it. against everything, the baby made it.
i remember the pain of the last mothers' day. i remember wanting to disappear. i remember being miserable and wanting to cry all day. i remember how much it hurt to long for a child and to not have one. i remember feeling like God didn't hear me, and that if He did hear, He was saying no.
and this mothers' day, i am a mother. i got the geranium from church (for some reason i thought they were begonias). lots of people have told me happy mothers' day. :) it is incredible. i am still in awe. i can't believe it - i can't believe i'm actually here. we painted a nursery a couple of months ago. for real. constantly sam reminds me he is here by wiggling, kicking, hiccuping, rolling. wow.
God didn't say 'no.' God did hear. i am so thankful that His answer was this answer. i know we are blessed beyond what i can even say.
after a lot of struggle, a lot of sin and battling sin, a lot of anguish, many trials, more prayers than i can count, more injections and pills and doctors appointments than i care to remember, it was october, and we had one baby - one teeny tiny little baby, living and thriving and growing in a petri dish miles away from where we were. yes, it's very weird.
and then november came. i took the tests to make sure i wouldn't get a false positive - one line, which i actually wanted to see. then that sunday morning was the faintest, tiniest, hardest-to-see second line. the baby made it. against everything, the baby made it.
i remember the pain of the last mothers' day. i remember wanting to disappear. i remember being miserable and wanting to cry all day. i remember how much it hurt to long for a child and to not have one. i remember feeling like God didn't hear me, and that if He did hear, He was saying no.
and this mothers' day, i am a mother. i got the geranium from church (for some reason i thought they were begonias). lots of people have told me happy mothers' day. :) it is incredible. i am still in awe. i can't believe it - i can't believe i'm actually here. we painted a nursery a couple of months ago. for real. constantly sam reminds me he is here by wiggling, kicking, hiccuping, rolling. wow.
God didn't say 'no.' God did hear. i am so thankful that His answer was this answer. i know we are blessed beyond what i can even say.
Thursday, May 5, 2011
almost 30 weeks!
i had no idea it would go this quickly, and i am sure the next ten weeks will seem to take forever and fly by all at the same time.
yesterday at work i had to fill out a medical survey. there was a whole section of questions asking me to rank the likelihood of me falling asleep during certain situations. ha! i just answered them as i would have in october.
of course, then there was the height and weight question. 5'2" women do not have good bmis at 150 pounds, so i hope they look at the area that asked if i was currently pregnant before they judge my bmi. (whatever. our insurance is ridiculous anyway, so it's not like it will make it any better or worse if they deem me to be healthy.)
no more progress on sam's room. we can't find closet doors that we like. yet again, the door opening is an odd size. imagine that, in this house. so we will keep looking. we got rid of the old ones (and put them in the office, which had no doors on the closet) because they are a million pounds and i could just hear them slamming on his little fingers and him crying...so yeah. (ask justin, he got a purple fingernail from those wicked doors.)
projects that are in progress in sam's room:
painting to hang on the wall
name letters to hang on the wall
installing new outlets and outlet covers
things to do:
closet (doors, put trim back up)
touch up paint
get curtains and hardware
put bedding on crib
wash his clothes and put them away
give birth...well, not yet. ;)
it still doesn't seem real that he is this close to being here. i think it will as time goes on, especially after my shower, which is in a few weeks. i am so looking forward to it. i am imagining i will cry about 57 times. maybe 58. i still can't believe it's all happening to me.
sunday is mothers' day. i have wanted to be a mom forever, but i have been "ready" for the last two mothers' days, and they have been tough. i am hoping to write another blog on that when it gets here, but needless to say i am thrilled and humbled to know that i don't have to cry sad tears this year. and maybe i'll get one of those begonias from church. :)
yesterday at work i had to fill out a medical survey. there was a whole section of questions asking me to rank the likelihood of me falling asleep during certain situations. ha! i just answered them as i would have in october.
of course, then there was the height and weight question. 5'2" women do not have good bmis at 150 pounds, so i hope they look at the area that asked if i was currently pregnant before they judge my bmi. (whatever. our insurance is ridiculous anyway, so it's not like it will make it any better or worse if they deem me to be healthy.)
no more progress on sam's room. we can't find closet doors that we like. yet again, the door opening is an odd size. imagine that, in this house. so we will keep looking. we got rid of the old ones (and put them in the office, which had no doors on the closet) because they are a million pounds and i could just hear them slamming on his little fingers and him crying...so yeah. (ask justin, he got a purple fingernail from those wicked doors.)
projects that are in progress in sam's room:
painting to hang on the wall
name letters to hang on the wall
installing new outlets and outlet covers
things to do:
closet (doors, put trim back up)
touch up paint
get curtains and hardware
put bedding on crib
wash his clothes and put them away
give birth...well, not yet. ;)
it still doesn't seem real that he is this close to being here. i think it will as time goes on, especially after my shower, which is in a few weeks. i am so looking forward to it. i am imagining i will cry about 57 times. maybe 58. i still can't believe it's all happening to me.
sunday is mothers' day. i have wanted to be a mom forever, but i have been "ready" for the last two mothers' days, and they have been tough. i am hoping to write another blog on that when it gets here, but needless to say i am thrilled and humbled to know that i don't have to cry sad tears this year. and maybe i'll get one of those begonias from church. :)
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
the lastest gem...
in middle school pregnancy conversations -
girl student: what are baby boomers?
me: well, all the men came home from the war and...their wives got pregnant. then lots of babies were born.
girl: ooooohhhhhh.
boy student (the same one who asked if i was in labor a few months ago): was your husband in iraq?
me: yes.
boy: did he just get back?
me: no. coming back from a war does not cause your wife to get pregnant.
oh my gosh, the things that get discussed in seventh grade.
girl student: what are baby boomers?
me: well, all the men came home from the war and...their wives got pregnant. then lots of babies were born.
girl: ooooohhhhhh.
boy student (the same one who asked if i was in labor a few months ago): was your husband in iraq?
me: yes.
boy: did he just get back?
me: no. coming back from a war does not cause your wife to get pregnant.
oh my gosh, the things that get discussed in seventh grade.
Friday, April 29, 2011
old navy clearance, part 2
so since i went to old navy last week, i have been thinking how much i'd like that light pink sweater i found but didn't get. i talked justin into going with me today. the whole store is buy one thing get another 50% off, and they said the highest priced items are automatically the ones that are discounted. however, this isn't the case, as it would have been two dollars less than it was, but i'm still ok with the final outcome.
justin got a pair of black slacks, tan corduroys, and an orange sweater. i got two white cardigans and the pink sweater.
the breakdown:
black slacks: originally $34.50, purchase price $3.59
tan corduroys: originally $29.50, purchase price $2.97
orange sweater: originally $24.50, purchase price $1.25
white cardigan 1: originally $36.50, purchase price $2.98
white cardigan 2: originally $29.50, purchase price $2.95
pink sweater: originally $34.50, purchase price $5.61
total originally without tax: $189.00
what we paid with tax: $20.95
and i used my old navy card so i get points.
also interesting, right now when you open and activate an old navy visa, if you use the item for a purchase outside of the old navy/gap/piperlime/banana republic stores, you get a $40 gift card to use at any of the above mentioned stores! i think we may just charge the next gas purchase to get that!
justin got a pair of black slacks, tan corduroys, and an orange sweater. i got two white cardigans and the pink sweater.
the breakdown:
black slacks: originally $34.50, purchase price $3.59
tan corduroys: originally $29.50, purchase price $2.97
orange sweater: originally $24.50, purchase price $1.25
white cardigan 1: originally $36.50, purchase price $2.98
white cardigan 2: originally $29.50, purchase price $2.95
pink sweater: originally $34.50, purchase price $5.61
total originally without tax: $189.00
what we paid with tax: $20.95
and i used my old navy card so i get points.
also interesting, right now when you open and activate an old navy visa, if you use the item for a purchase outside of the old navy/gap/piperlime/banana republic stores, you get a $40 gift card to use at any of the above mentioned stores! i think we may just charge the next gas purchase to get that!
Saturday, April 23, 2011
today is...!
the last day of my second trimester! wow! it is so hard to believe that i am this far along.
yesterday i checked the 28 weeks section of thebump.com and exclaimed, "no WONDER it feels like he is kicking so hard! he is HUGE!" i don't know what i thought it felt like when babies kicked, but i don't think i imagined they had the power in their tiny limbs to do the things they do - and he has only just barely gotten big enough to hurt sometimes.
a milestone this week: he kicked and i wondered if i would pee as a result. (i didn't.)
i want to talk about an aspect of pregnancy that i don't hear many people talk about: the nose. what in the heck is up with my nose? or rather, what in the heck is UP my nose? seriously folks, it happens. sometimes it makes it hard to breathe and then i have to take time out for an extensive nose blow, which usually involves some sort of nosebleed (again, normal during pregnancy).
i have finished the giraffe and the crocodile in sam's painting. i only have the rhino left to do. i am pretty pleased with it so far. his room is coming along slowly...and by that i mean that we really have no time (or in my case, energy) to spend on it between work, school, and homework. someday he will get closet doors and trim around the closet and curtains, but i don't know when. it has been a really busy semester for justin and a really tired one for me, so it feels like we have projects that are never going to get done. i just tell myself that sam really won't notice if everything isn't finished in the house by the time he gets here.
that's about as much as i can think of to update now. my arms are feeling weak, which i hear is also normal because my (already low) blood pressure has dropped to nonexistent so that my baby boy gets the nourishment he needs, so i'll stop typing and go do something else.
yesterday i checked the 28 weeks section of thebump.com and exclaimed, "no WONDER it feels like he is kicking so hard! he is HUGE!" i don't know what i thought it felt like when babies kicked, but i don't think i imagined they had the power in their tiny limbs to do the things they do - and he has only just barely gotten big enough to hurt sometimes.
a milestone this week: he kicked and i wondered if i would pee as a result. (i didn't.)
i want to talk about an aspect of pregnancy that i don't hear many people talk about: the nose. what in the heck is up with my nose? or rather, what in the heck is UP my nose? seriously folks, it happens. sometimes it makes it hard to breathe and then i have to take time out for an extensive nose blow, which usually involves some sort of nosebleed (again, normal during pregnancy).
i have finished the giraffe and the crocodile in sam's painting. i only have the rhino left to do. i am pretty pleased with it so far. his room is coming along slowly...and by that i mean that we really have no time (or in my case, energy) to spend on it between work, school, and homework. someday he will get closet doors and trim around the closet and curtains, but i don't know when. it has been a really busy semester for justin and a really tired one for me, so it feels like we have projects that are never going to get done. i just tell myself that sam really won't notice if everything isn't finished in the house by the time he gets here.
that's about as much as i can think of to update now. my arms are feeling weak, which i hear is also normal because my (already low) blood pressure has dropped to nonexistent so that my baby boy gets the nourishment he needs, so i'll stop typing and go do something else.
Friday, April 22, 2011
my trip to old navy...
i have never just written a blog about the great deals i got shopping at such and such store, but i did so well at old navy yesterday that i am still on a bargain high, and i need to tell someone about it.
i stopped at old navy because justin had night class and i was not exhausted so i had some time to myself that i could actually use. i wanted to check out their baby clearance. on the way in, i stopped at the men's clearance section because i always get better deals for justin when he isn't there (he never thinks he needs any clothes). they had an extra 30% off clearance, so i was willing to get a few things.
flipping through the racks, i found a really nice maroon button down shirt and a yellow quarter zip pullover sweater.
then it was on to the baby section, where i found nothing. i went to the toddler boys section and found a cute 12-18 month zip up hoodie, though.
it's hard to try on clothes right now, but i still looked around for myself. i found an adorable argyle turtleneck sweater, a black cardigan, and a dress that i am wearing sunday for easter.
here's the breakdown:
maroon shirt: originally $24.50, purchase price $5.34
yellow sweater: originally $29.50, purchase price $4.39
baby hoodie: originally $16.50, purchase price $1.56
argyle sweater: originally $29.50, purchase price $2.19
cardigan: originally $29.50, purchase price $2.19
dress: originally $24.50, purchase price $5.35
original total cost without tax: $154.00
what i paid with tax and with 10% off for using my old navy card: $22.75
i am still pumped about it 19 hours later. :)
i stopped at old navy because justin had night class and i was not exhausted so i had some time to myself that i could actually use. i wanted to check out their baby clearance. on the way in, i stopped at the men's clearance section because i always get better deals for justin when he isn't there (he never thinks he needs any clothes). they had an extra 30% off clearance, so i was willing to get a few things.
flipping through the racks, i found a really nice maroon button down shirt and a yellow quarter zip pullover sweater.
then it was on to the baby section, where i found nothing. i went to the toddler boys section and found a cute 12-18 month zip up hoodie, though.
it's hard to try on clothes right now, but i still looked around for myself. i found an adorable argyle turtleneck sweater, a black cardigan, and a dress that i am wearing sunday for easter.
here's the breakdown:
maroon shirt: originally $24.50, purchase price $5.34
yellow sweater: originally $29.50, purchase price $4.39
baby hoodie: originally $16.50, purchase price $1.56
argyle sweater: originally $29.50, purchase price $2.19
cardigan: originally $29.50, purchase price $2.19
dress: originally $24.50, purchase price $5.35
original total cost without tax: $154.00
what i paid with tax and with 10% off for using my old navy card: $22.75
i am still pumped about it 19 hours later. :)
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