mothers' day.

it's mothers' day. it's weird, because it is a GOOD day. last year at this time, i was nearly convinced i would never be able to have a baby. i was losing sleep, charting temperatures, and taking clomid (which didn't work and made me crazy). i was a nervous wreck. i was sad...devastated, every month. every single month. i remember one line after one line after one line.

after a lot of struggle, a lot of sin and battling sin, a lot of anguish, many trials, more prayers than i can count, more injections and pills and doctors appointments than i care to remember, it was october, and we had one baby - one teeny tiny little baby, living and thriving and growing in a petri dish miles away from where we were. yes, it's very weird.

and then november came. i took the tests to make sure i wouldn't get a false positive - one line, which i actually wanted to see. then that sunday morning was the faintest, tiniest, hardest-to-see second line. the baby made it. against everything, the baby made it.

i remember the pain of the last mothers' day. i remember wanting to disappear. i remember being miserable and wanting to cry all day. i remember how much it hurt to long for a child and to not have one. i remember feeling like God didn't hear me, and that if He did hear, He was saying no.

and this mothers' day, i am a mother. i got the geranium from church (for some reason i thought they were begonias). lots of people have told me happy mothers' day. :) it is incredible. i am still in awe. i can't believe it - i can't believe i'm actually here. we painted a nursery a couple of months ago. for real. constantly sam reminds me he is here by wiggling, kicking, hiccuping, rolling. wow.

God didn't say 'no.' God did hear. i am so thankful that His answer was this answer. i know we are blessed beyond what i can even say.