blessings and curses

before i got pregnant, which wasn't that long ago, i got irritated when people would complain so easily about their pregnancies.

(granted, when someone complains about selfish things, like, "oh i look like a planet!" and it's overly dramatic, it's still irritating, but anyway...)

i thought, pregnancy is such a blessing, who could ever complain about it. they wouldn't if they had to do what i am doing.

for some complaints, the selfish ones, i think that's true. but for the sickness, tired, achy, barfy ones, i have thought and thought about it - which is why i have so obviously revised my view of complaining about pregnancy symptoms.

pregnancy is a blessing. yes it is. children are a blessing. certainly so.

but pregnancy symptoms are a curse - a true, legitimate curse. (i told justin i was going to punch eve in the throat. a bit much, i know, but one week of puke-feeling and i'm at that point.)

so anyway, i'm glad i got that straightened out. God sometimes humbles us through indigestion - really, really atrocious indigestion.

*edit: the purpose of this blog was to say that while we were struggling with infertility for a year and a half, the heartache was horrible, and it was extremely hard to hear people complain about pregnancy symptoms and still believe they were truly grateful. i understand now that you can be totally and completely grateful for the blessing of pregnancy and still complain because it really sucks to feel like barfing all the time.

i thought this was pretty clear when i wrote the blog. i hope it was.

and for the record, please try to be more encouraging than condescending. i have been there. it has been bad at times. i have cried countless tears over countless negative pregnancy tests. that is worse than any morning sickness. i have cried over shots and blood draws and surgery pain that most people don't have to have to get pregnant. it has been awful. and yes, it is worth every single pill i've taken that has made me ill, every shot i have had that has left a bruise and a knot or both, both surgeries and the pain after them. the gagging is nothing. i have been through much worse than this.

progress, i guess.

thanksgiving: a day when people gorge themselves on all sorts of delicious, calorie-laden food.

until you are just almost seven weeks pregnant. then it might just be your worst day of nausea so far. it might just be that you want to ask your husband to pull over about six times for you to be sick somewhere other than the car (i thought we were going to have to, but we didn't).

needless to say, my thanksgiving eat-fest consisted of two bites of chicken and dumplings, three bites of ham, and a bite of roll.

i was easily able to eat my mom's home made applesauce at lunch and about ten sweet pickles at supper. i also ate a pumpkin bar, which i enjoyed.

then i was nauseous again.

then at home i ate some cream of wheat. then i was nauseous again.

last night during the night the nausea went away, but i woke up not being able to move because of a horrendous knot somewhere in my neck/upper back. i am leaning up against a heating pad right now. i can't take ibuprofen and i don't know if i can use icy hot. it says to ask a doctor. i don't know what icy hot could possibly hurt, but i am dying.

anyway, justin got me some tylenol in the night, and i drank a few swallows of water with it. then i got nauseous again.

sooooo, i guess the baby is doing well.

*edit: fyi - you can use icy hot when you are pregnant. unless you are allergic to it or something. then don't. but i'm not a doctor so if you do it and your arms fall off, you shouldn't believe everything you read in some random person's blog.

baby business.

well on november 12 my hcg was at 343.

yesterday's blood test came back at a lovely 3,411.

our first ultrasound is on december first. we are praying and hoping for a healthy baby with a fluttering little heart!

i have not had anything really out of the ordinary. people ask me how i feel, and i say good. i'm just about normal. i expected to be puking daily with the luck we had for 17 months before this, but i've been ok so far.

i almost killed justin for talking about hamburger though.

otherwise, i have some pulling in my abdomen, but nothing too terrible. some days there's hardly anything, and other days i swear baby is growing inches.

justin keeps asking me if i want clothes for christmas. i laugh and tell him i don't know what size i'll be needing. and i'm glad. :)

sticky chicken - one of my very favorite meals.

i love love love this meal. it's not hard, and when you're done, it's restaurant quality for a fraction of the price.

ingredients:
2 chicken breasts (i cut mine into strips so the sauce covers more of them)
1/2 cup balsamic vinegar
1/4 cup sugar
1/4 cup brown sugar
2 Tbsp honey
ginger and garlic powder to taste

in a 12-inch skillet, combine all above ingredients except the chicken. stir until the sugar dissolves. add the chicken to the mixture.

bring the sauce to a boil, then cover and simmer on low for 15 minutes, turning the chicken once halfway through.

while the chicken is cooking, i make some minute rice in the microwave to serve with it (follow the directions on the package).

remove the chicken from the marinade and set aside (you may want to keep it warm in a baking dish in a warm oven).

turn the heat up to medium. have a whisk handy and stir often. the goal is to cook the sauce until it begins to thicken, which takes 8-10 minutes. (if you overcook it, the sauce will harden into something like hard candy, and though still delicious, it is impractical to eat.)

drizzle the sauce over your chicken and rice. enjoy.

*note: you might have to soak your skillet in warm water with a few drops of dish detergent. if you leave it to soak for 20 minutes, all the leftover sugar will rinse away. i would do this immediately after dishing out the meal and just leave it to soak while you eat.

yayyyyyyyy

so my pregnancy is going well so far! the hcg was at 343 today!

and i like owls lately, and i just found this:
pack n play

and this:
highchair

and i said, "eeeeeeeee!"

*edit: also this:
bouncer

better test photos for you friends and ttc-ers

#dp3dt means the number of days past a three day transfer. this means, in ivf talk, that my baby was transferred the third day after it was conceived (yeah, in a dish, but it sounds better than fertilized). so the tests are numbered in days past the transfer. the last test is from this morning.

click to enlarge if you want a closer look. hopefully this will better show the progression (i finally reinstalled photoshop...i've been putting it off).

*edit: these tests are all dollar general baby tests. i got a frer to be sure on sunday, but that doesn't show the progression so i didn't include it. i think it would have shown up a day or two sooner on the frer, but 9dp3dt is still pretty good for a $1 test!

double lines all the way.

i tested again yesterday morning:

the line is somewhat darker (click photo to enlarge if you can't really see it, but it is still pretty faint).

then i tested this morning, and finally there was a line that you didn't have to contort your eyeballs to see:

so that was pretty exciting. as far as feeling different, i have still had the cramping and things, but nothing too terrible. it is enough to make me worry, which i think is pretty normal, especially after all of this.

the progesterone shots are still going well. they don't really hurt all that much at the time of the shot, but they leave a heck of a knot for later.

i still can't believe that this is all happening. i half expect them to call me friday and say that i'm not pregnant, but i don't know how that would even be possible. i think it's mostly because of everything we've gone through to get to this point.

so anyway that is the update for now. i will test again tomorrow, and then friday is the big blood test!

one week and three days with baby.

last week i took two pregnancy tests that came up negative, showing that the hcg from the shot was out of my system. imagine my surprise after 17 months and countless pregnancy tests when yesterday morning's test had two lines instead of one.

the first test, very very faint if you can even see the line here. i freaked out and had to buy a first response early result test.

the second test with a darker line.

the test from this morning, a bit darker than the one from yesterday morning. i plan on just testing daily and watching it get darker.

as far as symptoms, i have been tired, hungry, and having some cramping at times. i called the doctor last weekend (before testing) and he said it was fine and that it could indicate pregnancy. i guess it did!

we really are still in disbelief about it. we go back this week to get a blood test to find out "officially."

God does what we think is impossible. that's the biggest lesson for me here.